Happy New Year…

…well sort of. I just finished year-end where I work. So I was thinking October 1st might be a good time to start fresh…well start again…towards improving my fitness and eating habits. I’ve been struggling with severe back pain for close to a month and have just started to feel better this past week….but during the past month I was feeling sorry for myself and would say to myself what the heck you can’t exercise….what’s the use…just have that extra serving or go ahead and eat that doughnut. I know it was really bad thinking but I was making so much progress in feeling stronger and having more endurance. I just felt so defeated in how my body let me down. I know it makes no sense to push yourself further down that hole but I did! Well now it’s time to make a change and for the better.

On a little bit of a side note but relating to my “justification” for eating poorly…I was listening to an episode of a really cool podcast called Two Fit Chicks and a Microphone. One of the questions the fit chicks answered was a question about self-sabotage. I think I suffer from that. Carla talks about how some fear success so they do anything to make them not succeed and others fear failure so they do things to ensure they fail and then they know! I think for me it’s more about a fear of succeeding. I have never been one to take praise very well so if I would succeed there would be all this attention that I just can’t deal with. I need to work on this.

So now I am hoping to accomplish a few things starting this “new year”.  I would like to continue to lose some weight. Specifically I want to get down to 130 for this first goal…so that’s about 10lbs give or take at this point. I’m not sure my exact weight. I will track it tomorrow. I think realistically this might take me about 2 months. I want to have a positive take on this but my back comes and goes. So exercise could be limited but I am learning that I might have to take preventive measures to ensure my back stays strong…like lots of stretching, especially the hamstrings all the time now and I’m prepared to do that. I also don’t want to risk further injury.  So I think a pound a week is a good start.

Next I hope to keep this blog more updated at least for my own accountability. Then I hope to start back at exercising. I hope to actually try that tomorrow. I will take my bike out for a ride along the lake. I usually do lots of hills for the cardio but it does put a strain on my back. So I have to take another cue from the Two Fit Chicks and START, specifically the S which stands for “S”etting yourself up for success.  If I push myself and fail then its no good for me and it’s too easy to go down that self-destructive path and that’s not the path I want! So against my fear of success I will take it slowly and feel good about it. Finally I want to keep to eating more healthfully. More posts to come later on all of this, hopefully tomorrow.

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